| Sir,
Allow me to remind you that you are guests here, and that any malpractice, drug dealing, drug deals in the parking lot, doing drugs, selling drugs to minors, buying drugs for minors, cutting cocaine or heroin for the purpose of use or sale, caffeine-fueled Tokyo rampages with shotguns, hand grenades, and semi or full automatic weaponry, drunken shootings in churches and nursery schools, not drinking after hours, entering the ocean during thunderstorms, spilling any kind of liquids on the upholstery or rug, broken crack vials, marijauna abuse, drug addiction, sex addiction, anonymous phone calls, muffled bomb threats to restaurants, "clearing up" humans, breaking into song, composing obscene versions of songs i.e. 'Girls Just Wanna Spit Blood,' gold-plating dogs' teeth for surgical transfer into unconscious humans, burning obscene tattoos onto unwitting guests, property or mental damage, Jean-Claude Van-Dammage, Al Pacino cameos, sliding down the stairwell with ease, DJ battles, late-night television, "Teva" sandals, sand in ANY orifice, smuggling sand into the house, running an underground drug ring from the bedrooms, black-market "baby-auctioning," oversleeping, Niagara Falls, Stakeout movies, drug busts, smuggling pipelines, jelly rolls hidden under your tongue during spot-check, spoken puns such as "Alduce me to introlow myself," theiving, "whoring after the heathen," gang shootouts, botched sting operations, cops who play by their own rules, outlawing justice, breaking glassware, police informants, ka-bars, no-smoking sign theft, burglary, graffiti, getting shot by cops in trainyards, possesion of Phish compact discs, alcohol, homebrew moonshine, beer kits, kit cars, church officials who run respray operations out of the confessionals, sexual harassment of any of the workers, stealing Cinnamon's teeth for gold plating, pudding factory disasters, drug-related violence, drug charges, gang mentality, team mentality, slumming, squatting with or without performing bodily acts, excretion outside or on top of the designated receptacles, free radio, demographics, ethnicities, gangland, "bombing," "throw-ups," or "all-city" writing, interracial marriage, same-sex friendships, rowdy behavior when fighting, nuclear war because of a misunderstanding, being a smart guy, acting smart with me, smart-aleck responses, being a wise-ass, purchasing video or computer games, restocking bookstores, working at Foot Locker OR Lady Foot Locker, concocting criminal schemes, being a criminal genious, being tha last assassin, giving ninja advice, warring with the samurai legions, Zulu wars, Congolese power struggles, revolution, making wiseguy remarks, cracking wise, atheism, quack dentistry, movin' on up, |
getting down, getting on up, interplanetary funk ambassador visitors, rock music performances, destruction of anything but the cut, swearing casually, parental guidance, jailbreaks, mail columns, weekly features, blowin' up tha spot regardless of yo nationality, falling asleep in mid-sentence, breaking beer bottles over drunken bikers' heads, bar brawls, Girl Scout cookie sale, underwater bar brawls, lawsuits, warts, dead cats used to remove warts, drug allegations, prescription drugs, opium dens, halls of mirrors, installment art, Biblical references, fraudulent drugthugs, "beer bongs," large platform shoes with a) goldfish b) puppies c) babies inside, beating Robin and all the other workers over there, prank orders from the servants such as "honkimuffins" or "pelvis tea," overeating, overacting, running two miles, beating up Avi, romantic comedy, overdubbing, writing obscene Hanson fan fiction, breaking chair and table legs, breaking drug couriers' legs, walkin' down the street havin' it easy, murdering the people and keeping them terrorized in mad deadly worldwide conspiratorial gangster computer-god communism, with wall-to-wall deadly gangster protection, lifelong sworn conspirators murdering incorporated organized crime the police and judges...using all the gangster deadly frankenstein controls...tricking, trapping, robbing, wrecking, butchering, and murdering to keep them in gangster frankenstein earphone radio slavery, acting rude to the hosts, acting rude to the lord of hosts, anti-drug activism, cigarette smoking in the rooms after death, bloating, eating Hostess products, saying "u" instead of "you" (we CAN TELL), being a f______ m____ c____ and always s____ing the d____ on the side there, hosting Earth-day keg bashes, American Pie 2, Star Trek conventions, drug abuse, being full of yourself, Nazi war criminals, William Shatner songs, overkill, answering questions in Mexican, commenting on the paintings in the hallways, one-liners, rubbing your chin while holding your pipe and crackling the newspaper, being insensitive, enjoying anything aside from terminally boring-ass conversation, drug deals during meals or formal affairs of state, slacking off on the job,eating Krispy Kreme doughnuts, out-of-state phone calls to the Drug King, use of aftershave, hot�ice, potash, Michael J. Fox television shows, inviting Massive Headwound Harry, tasteless comedy, bears riding tricycles and wearing fezzes, drawing Homer in the steamy bathroom mirrors, striking me down with all your hate and completing your journey to the Dark Side, |
drug drop-offs, private exchanges of snide remarks and/or witty quips,
long, rambling manifestos, shacking out in the woods, truck-bombs, homemade
plutonium, claymation, allowing drugs to win the drug war, injecting or
smoking heroin, crooked cops, doing a job that you can do really wasted,
food stuck to the floor, the Pizza Hut murders, writing a novel primarily,
suicides, pretend suicides, pantomime suicides, jokes about being afraid
of mimes, quoting Gallagher, teen flicks, Steve Guttenberg, inventing
modern language, being a swinger, re-naming yourself Vaginal Creme Davis,
melting Nazis with the phenomenal cosmic power of the Ark, amazing displays
of self respect, denial of any false allegations, taxing all foreigners
living abroad, murder investigations, detectives with personal beef, hot
sex on a platta just to getchu wet, mocking Shakespeare, organized crime,
organized religion, illegal sampling of copyrighted material, cease-and-desist
letters, public vomiting, action-packed bloodbath shootouts in slow motion,
guitar solos, blowing up every building in this town, salty Fish Nacks,
invisible murderers, melodrama, uncontrollable swelling, literary analysis,
off-Broadway productions, hitchihiking ghosts, speaking out of your behind
JC-style (Jim Carrey, not Jesus Christ), gelling your hair, acting like
it's the '20's, wearing mustard or olive colored anything, clogging toilets
with used joints, rolling joints, drug cartels, smoking drugs, being named
Hector, lifting tracks, boostin' Houston, ingesting drugs, harvesting
the souls of the damned as they descend into the eternal grave of Hell,
ripping mp3's for non-commercial use, finding your ride, bragging about
how you listened to Limp Bizket before they were born, Australian tattoo
artists, body piercings, filling your arteries with junk food, binge eating,
drug binges, selling or making drug paraphernalia, drug rehabilitation
group meetings, phony dog poo, enormous joke dismembered heads, generals,
tax evasion, shrunken heads, Pirates of the Caribbean, cannibalism, hidden
tracks, concealed microphones in salt OR pepper shakers, eating one�s
own face, stupid pet tricks, self-reflection or mutilation, speaking Mbang,
impersonating the Cardinal, con schemes, dastardly acts, gratuitous sax
and violins, wanton violence and/or suggestive dialogue and language,
wrecking the city, "robo-wars" outside school and/or during school hours,
retardation of anything excepting flames, keeping the brains of infamous
serial killers in jars for future reanimation, democracy, taking offense,
and doing anything I tell you to do is NOT PERMITTED. |