Correspondence:
DATE
Sun July 22 2001, 07:25
FROM
fryingpan@burntf•••••rs.co.uk
TO
drush@•••••er.com
SUBJECT
adovbssss
A NON PERSONAL SERVEY STOLEN AND ERASED PARTIALLY
for fun and profit. i felt like expressing my true inner feelings by being
a funny wise guy and acting
smart.
full name: null fame
sex: female
born: june 27 1980
born in: conroe texas
resides in: san jose california
height/weight: 007 at ocean's 11
eyes/hair: browbn poo.
shoe size: blah blah blah i am cool
ethnicity: honkimuffin (w/cinnamon) (big “thanx“ to esteb for this one)
sign: nausea, temporary blindness hallucinations, anal leakage
smoke: yellow
drink: the continent of africa
do drugs: uh... ok! just get off my back man
shampoo: biolage (what the hell is this crap?)
toothpaste: like a horrible nightmare from which one cannot wake
dental floss: butt
deodorant: does this really matter? reminder: i suck
favorite alcoholic drink: the continent of africa
favorite webpage: www.userfriendly.org very funny
favorite tv show: x-files with mulder...oh my god scully and mulder kissed!:)
what's on your mouse pad: weezer
favorite magazine: assy
favorite smells: grant
future daughters name: sydney, carlie, Hortense
future sons name: lucas, joshua, the gay
list all pets: reggie the iguana, jake the fat cat, chloe the brat cat.
in texas: buster the freak cat, taffy
the chihuahua. in
georgia: sandie the lab, QMF-CDJ1000 the unstoppable cybernetic war machine
designed by Area 51 lab
rats and made completely of FISTS.
list all family members: my main main pete nice, over-dog real scrillah
mofo joshua rilez, the original
golden killah boy prof. fuck, wild child dialed chestiny lahonda, my right
hand and stright owt tha sewa
roots manuva Lee “Carlos“ Lee Doug E., needs no introduction Vaginal Creme
Davis, tha dawgs from the
crip hood scrillah g-fonk homey grabs robbixn tha hood gutta old skool
hustla momma's chillin' servin
cream on dey streetz freshy G cradle rock Water 100m Resistant holmes crack
dealin skillz to pay tha
billz spinning fist style thug life+class of 2k 4eva i'm out
list all ex-boyfriends: i'd rather not!!!
who is your favorite poet/lyricist: “I“ am the lyrical gangsta
would you ever ask the guy for the shirt off his back: I never ask I do
the killin and the stillin
what is on the walls of your room: event horizon-style moist steamy gooey
human effluence and guts
and raw sewer-age and brains igor
is the glass half empty or half full: i need a 40
lefty, righty or ambidextrous: right-wing rebels
do you type with your fingers on the right keys: i am a rebel
what's under your bed: dead wild cat that I found on an embankment along
a highway in rural Georgia
what is your dream car: Nash Rambler
favorite sport to watch: celebrity mudwrestling with mikhail gorbachev
truth or dare: YES> truth: one time, I spent a night in mexico city with
this large bodyguard for the crack
king of central america pointing his russian surplus assault rifle into
my nostril and forcing me to lick
envelopes and write addresses with the blood off my tongue; and I escaped
when a kindhearted street
rat took mercy on me and took me to the sultan's court to tell my story
of woe and when they found out
that enrique iglesias was the drug king they decided i was a fraud and
sent me in a videotape-sized
postal box to Jersey where i hitchhiked and killed those who picked me
up for money and became the
legendary hitchhiker murderer and appeared in urban legends books and went
on letterman from the
fame i had gained and then i performed an alien autopsy blindfolded on
CNN's Hardball with Chris
Matthews and did my own voice for the simulcast in spanish
WWF or WCW: muthafukin nWo
ocean or pool: a duck
cake or pie: i eat cake like sandwich bread BIG $$$$
“sean“, “shawn“, or “shaun“: i killed that fucka
gum- spit or swallow: swallow DEEZ NUTZ! (gesture violently towards one's
nutz)
love or lust: DEEZ NUTZ! (point finger down)
walmart, k-mart, or target: hard target
read or write: bust caps
sun or snow: k-freeze my shades
lay on the beach or play in the sand: bay on the leech
bagel or doughnut: sad rockets- heavy meta
chocolate or vanilla: chocolate looooove (UNEDITED BY ME)
wild or mild: x-filed wild child bill nye-led piled beguiled igor get me
a knife
croutons or bacon bits: fakin bakon
sit in the stands or play the game: play the game and smoke yo asz
ice cream or frozen yogourt: stay on the scene shamma lamma ding dong
tea or coffee: neither? like a sex machine ooh ee ooh ah ah
read the book or see the movie: fuck shit up old skool
cassettes or cd's: food and cassettes and stufff and stuff
opening envelopes- knife or tear it: igor find me a brain
democrat or republican: republicrat
smell or taste: taste DEEZ NUTZ! (finger points down to nutz)
coke or pepsi: the souls of the damned
care bears or rainbow brite: how can you choose between those two?!?! BOTH!
(W95 what the hell is this
crap?)
frogs or toads: YogaFrog, Q-Bert, DJ CA$H MONEY
tootsie-pop or blow-pop: blow DEEZ NUTZ!
big red, doublemint, or juicy fruit: the taste the taste the taste is gonna
mo-oove ya!
broom or mop: ma bich duz ma kleanin
dogs or cats: flaming turd in bag on doorstep
boxers or briefs: that shit gives you cancer or somethin.
french poodle, french fries, or french kiss: french ninja
taco or burrito: gastrocnemiated maximania fabulor.
cell phone or pay phone: BEDROCZIN' WIT DA TOEN DILA
pen or pencil: pen better for silent assassination
armageddon or independence day: pootie tang (“yo gonna sell this?“ advertisement
for Tang)
early bird or night owl: (krust vocal)WHUHGGHGHGHT-THE-FUUUUUUUGHGHGHGHGH
hug or kiss: ze ant is made of six easy to assemble structures
showers or baths: depends on whether the brotha is dead or drunk
have you ever gone skinny dipping?: i drowned in my own vomit and ever
since then I have been forced
to livin in a beachball to avoid moisture
do you have any piercings? tattoos?: “SUBLIE“ ACROSS MY BACK THE GUY FORGOT
THE M!!!
do you want any:I cant get no SA-TIS-FAC-SHUN
what the hell kinda name is chong: my dad's chinese, man
do you wear glasses: when I perform surgery in taxicabs/elevators, I often
employ the help of
spacemen made of stacks of wax being commanded by mindbending aliens with
their eyes on the prize
and glasses and the michelin man from Ghostbusters making the imitation
gruel coagulant if I need to
stop the bleeding from the carotid artery
did you eat crayons as a kid: just playdoh, and ass
do you consider yourself a good listener: both ears were removed by my
car stereo, as was the
windshield
do you sing in the shower: i gun doughn kopz an sekurity gods
do you talk to yourself: not as much as grant does!
do you talk in your sleep: “this place is laced with jungle fever...“
do you snore: only when my nostrils have been filled with superglue by
my three year old son god
bless'm but i'm gonna kill that little shit
do you shave your legs: most of the time, except for when I like have to
eat and sleep and stuff
what causes do you believe in: solving the problem of world hunger, mumia
abu-jamal, anti-racist
action, the cause of DEEZ NUTZ!
what do you think is gross: you better pray i'm a stamp, 'cause that's
the only way i'll ever get licked!
what scares you: none of your horses came in today.
where are your ancestors from: high flyin high-kickin karate kid 14-creating
hormonally imbalanced
rhino recycler subtractive synthesis unstoppable streak space monster killin'...forgot
the question
what do you say funny: philo
what is your worst injury ever?: i busted my ass day and night
what is the hardest thing about growing up?: doing the Locomotion
do you believe in love at first sight?: i pull out a book entitle “ho's
I knows“
have you ever been in love: yes, with grantypoo :)
what is the best feeling in the world?: doing the Wild Thing
favourite quote: “blah blah blah something funny because it sounds sooooooo
wrong“
are you crossing your legs right now: I am blowin up tha spot
what is the worst feeling in the world?: missing grant
do you think looks are important?: how else is she gonna get anyone to
hire her for a trick, Hector?
how many kids do you want to have: robot army
when do you want to get married: when the cheech is powwwww.....to beeeeeeeeee
lieeeehhhh.... and all
the wooooooooooool.... within you ......dieeeeeeeeee.........
email me back with a response under 5 words. i know exactly what i want.
CORRESPONDENCE FOOTNOTES: MOST "GRANTY-POO" BABBLE IS NOT ME, NAME + GENDER NOT ME, BORING •ISH NOT ME, PARENTHESES ME, PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING IS ME.